During the mission trip that I led to Kokomo, IN the week before last, we had an awesome conversation during church group time.  Every day that we were there, we had church group time late in the evening around 10 pm. It was a great way to unwind and process events that had happened during the day.  During this particular evening, we began dealing with the reality of doubt in our lives as well as the big questions that we often think about but we don’t have a definitive answer for.

Some of the questions included the following: what if Jesus and God are just one big joke? What if we’re wrong about all of this faith stuff? If God is real, will he still love if I do have these questions about him? Does God really care about us anyway? Is it bad that I think about questions like this a lot? Does anyone else think about these things like I do?

I can’t say that I have all of these answers figured out.  I could give some reasonable answers that would be related to the question but would not necessarily answer each one entirely.  I told the students that while some people have given some compelling arguments about these types of questions, many people still struggle with them (including me).  In light of the conversation that we had, I wrote another poem that I think gives an idea of the things that we struggled through that night. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Where are you God?

Do you really care?

My thoughts run from you

My hope slips through the floor

Who can I talk to?

Does anyone feel the way that I do?

Jesus slides behind the veil

This misty veil of uncertainty

Why do you seem so far away?

When will I see you again?

My fear overtakes me,

My faith seems to fail me

Who can I really trust?

Who won’t judge me for these thoughts?

God still stands across the mist

The thick, 2-inch wide mist

Did I create this veil?

How can I reach you through this?

And he speaks to me

With a faint whisper, a ghost

Why do you fear?

Do you not trust me?

I turn from the voice

Ashamed that he is near but I can’t see

Why does this mist cloud my thoughts?

How do I push it away?

I run quickly in any direction

Searching, trying to escape this cloud of doubt

Where are you God?

Do you really care?

You reach through the doubt, grab my hand

Whisper that you are still here

I think that while doubt may cloud our thinking sometimes, asking God questions about our struggles and thoughts is very important.  While God does deserve the utmost reverence and respect, he also is a God of reality who desires sincere and wholehearted worship. Asking these questions, I think, is a form of worship in which we come before God abandoning all of our masks and hopes of holding our lives together and letting him know that we need him, especially when we are doubting him and his promises.  We can be honest with God for he already knows these thoughts and questions.  We cannot fool God, and to try and mask our doubt from him would be foolish. God is right there beside us even in the midst of our greatest doubts. then when we come to terms with these thoughts, we can we begin to realize the presence of God in the other people around us who share our doubts and help us see that we’re not alone.


~ by randallkoehler on July 25, 2011.

One Response to “Questions…”

  1. Another great poem. Very real.. I was definitely able to relate to it. And I agree with what you said beneath it. I think God appreciates honesty and us admitting that we don’t have it all together and that we need Him. Human relationships require and thrive with honesty, so I guess it isn’t a surprise that our relationships with God would too.

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